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The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
Esther Perel
Top 10 Best Quotes
“We expect one person to give us what once an entire village used to provide, and we live twice as long.”
“Our partners do not belong to us; they are only on loan, with an option to renew—or not. Knowing that we can lose them does not have to undermine commitment; rather, it mandates an active engagement that long-term couples often lose. The realization that our loved ones are forever elusive should jolt us out of complacency, in the most positive sense.”
“The shift from shame to guilt is crucial. Shame is a state of of self-absorption, while guilt is an emphatic, relational response, inspired by the hurt you have caused another.”
“Monogamy used to mean one person for life. Now monogamy means one person at a time.”
“Sometimes, when we seek the gaze of another, it isn’t our partner we are turning away from, but the person we have become. We are not looking for another lover so much as another version of ourselves.”
“But when we reduce the conversation to simply passing judgment, we are left with no conversation at all.”
“Humans have a tendency to look for things in the places where it is easiest to search for them rather than in the places where the truth is more likely to be found.”
“The best ideas rarely arise in one isolated mind, but rather develop in networks of curious and creative thinkers.”
“We seek connection, predictability, and dependability to root us firmly in place. But we also have a need for change, for the unexpected, for transcendence. The Greeks understood this, which is why they worshiped both Apollo (representative of the rational and self-disciplined) and Dionysus (representative of the spontaneous, sensuous, and emotional).”
“The “symptom” theory goes as follows: An affair simply alerts us to a preexisting condition, either a troubled relationship or a troubled person.”
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Book Keywords:
curious, ideas, infidelity, isolated, truth, relationships, monogamy, best, network, creative, thinkers, mind