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The Best Medicine

Tracy Brogan

Top 10 Best Quotes

“You’re my knight in shining armor.” “Oh, if only slaying dragons were as easy as buying tampons.”

“There is no such thing as a perfect husband. Or a perfect wife. Or a perfect marriage. Sometimes love supersedes logic, and the best thing to do is just follow your heart.”

“reality. Birthday wishes did not come true, any more than wishes made on puffy dandelions blown into the breeze or pennies tossed into a fountain. Wishes were nothing more than unrealized goals.”

“the news had spread like Nutella over a warm”

“it seems to me that if they kept pulling these pranks on each other, they never really did let go. Love ends when you stop thinking about each other, not when you’re still trying to get a rise from one another.”

“Your father needed to take care of someone, and I never let him do that for me. I should have given him a dragon to slay once in a while.”

“What’s in the bags?” He flipped them over and emptied the contents onto the foot of the bed. Boxes upon boxes tumbled out. Boxes of every brand, style, and absorbency variation of tampon.”

“So many to choose from,” he answered. “But let’s see. I guess the most recent is this one old guy who keeps calling us for the same issue. We keep telling him he’s fine, but every time we have to take him into the ED anyway.” He set his soup bowl down on the table and ran a hand through his hair. “What’s his issue?” “Beets.” “Beets?” “Yeah, apparently he keeps stealing beets from his neighbor’s garden and they turn his pee bright pink. He thinks he’s dying. But no, it’s just the beets. Last time we were there, the neighbor came running after him with a rake. Funniest thing ever, watching two eighty-year-old dudes trying to wrestle each other to the ground.”

“She’s buying sex toys now, you know. Sex toys for herself. Where the hell does that leave me? Have you ever seen a Vagazzler? That thing can give her an orgasm and then make her a Frappuccino. I can’t compete with that. I don’t know how to make a Frappuccino.”

“Relationships are all a crapshoot anyway. At least if the sex is good, then, well, then at least the sex is good.”

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