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Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
Becky Kennedy
Top 10 Best Quotes
“As a result, many parents see behavior as the measure of who our kids are, rather than using behavior as a clue to what our kids might need.”
“many parents see behavior as the measure of who our kids are, rather than using behavior as a clue to what our kids might need.”
“if we don’t build a sturdy foundation with our kids—one based in trust, understanding, and curiosity—then we have nothing keeping them attached to us. I think about the term “connection capital” a lot. It refers to the reserve of positive feelings we hopefully build up with our children, which we can pull from in times of struggle or when the relationship between us gets strained. If we don’t build this up during our children’s earlier years, well, we have nothing to draw on when our kids are adolescents and young adults”
“When you make a decision you believe in but you know will upset your child, you might say as much to your kid: “Two things are true, sweetie. First, I have decided that you cannot watch that movie. Second, you’re upset and mad at me. Like, really mad. I hear that. I even understand it. You’re allowed to be mad.” You don’t have to choose between firm decisions and loving validation. There’s no trade-off between doing what feels right to you and acknowledging the very real experience of your child. Both can be true.”
“Self-blame is another common coping mechanism for kids whose parents don’t attempt reconnection after tough moments.”
“Now you have your job description: keep your child safe, emotionally and physically, using boundaries, validation, and empathy.”
“Finding the good inside can often come from asking ourselves one simple question: “What is my most generous interpretation of what just happened?”
“Building resilience is about developing the capacity to tolerate distress, to stay in and with a tough, challenging moment, to find our footing and our goodness even when we don’t have confirmation of achievement or pending success.”
“A child’s job in a family system is to explore and learn, through experiencing and expressing their emotions and wants.”
“underneath perfectionism is always an emotion regulation struggle. Underneath “I am the worst artist in the world!” is a child who could envision the picture they wanted to paint and is disappointed in their final product; underneath “I stink at math” is a child who wants to feel capable and instead feels confused; underneath “I let down my team” is a child who can’t access all the moments they played well and is mired in their missed layup. In each case, that disappointment—or the mismatch between what a child wanted to happen and what actually happened—manifests as perfectionism. And, because perfectionism is a sign of an emotion regulation struggle, logic won’t help—we can’t convince a child that her art is great or that math concepts are hard for everyone or that one missed shot doesn’t define an athlete.”
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